A Song I Would Like to Share

So, there is this song by Leeland that has been blowing my mind. As Dave from Hot Rod would say...it shattered my entire universe. The name of this song is Weak Man. The lyrics are

"Jesus, give me Your heart. Let there be a death in me. I'm making room for all
that You are; give me Your heart. Jesus, give me Your heart. Break me
down, build me up. Let who I was keep falling apart; give me Your
heart. My Creator, may I be low, low, low, low, so You're made
higher. And I'll be weak, for you are strong in the weak man. Jesus,
give me Your heart. Burn away all the dross. Come on, let the fire start;
give me your heart. I want to make you higher...Lord, it's my heart's
desire."

As I listened to these words...a few things ran through my head. The first being quite simple. "Wow." The verse where it says, "let who I was keep falling apart" really got through to me. When Christ's death paid for my sin, and I accepted His sacrifice, I was made over. I'm not who I was before I gave my life over to Him. And I am not supposed to act like that old person. The second thing was bigger, and took more thought. Am I really willing to be low so that God can get all the glory? Being weak doesn't just mean physically weak. What really hit it home to me was saying this to myself: You are good at lots of things. You are musical, and you are smart. But are those things more important to you than giving God the glory? Would you be willing to give up those things...or the praise for those things...so that God could be glorified? And the shock to me was, I wasn't sure that I was willing. The last thing that really made me think were the last few words. "It's my heart's desire." Is my heart's desire, the thing I want more than anything, to make God higher?

I just wanted to share how that song has been speaking to me. Are there any songs that continue to speak to you, over and over again?

I've Been Thinking...

Ever since I was little, I knew how I felt about dating. I didn't want a boyfriend for a long time...and that meant at least not until highschool, and maybe not even then! I knew that most of my friends didn't feel that way. That was fine with me. But, even though I didn't allow their opinions to rub off on me, I don't think I was making a dent in their perspectives, either. I started thinking about this earlier today, and decided it was time to try my hand at another blog post. (My last attempt having failed....) Why, I asked myself, have I not influenced my friends? What I came up with was simple. I didn't know what it was that I believed. And, not knowing what I believed, how was I supposed to pass it on to my friends? There was no way. So, here goes my feeble try at explaining what I believe.



Have you ever heard the term "hustle while you wait?" What it means is that while we are waiting for something to happen, we should be preparing for it. I imagine this as how my mother prepares for our family to visit the beach each year. If my mom simply stated that we were going to the beach, and it was going to be exciting, then not much would happen. In fact, we would probably end up getting in the car and driving all the way to Garden City, realizing we were not packed, didn't have a place to stay, and, to top it all off, we had no money for gas to get home! However, my mom, who is extremely organized, has everything ready before we go, so that we don't have to worry about where we will stay or how we will get home...or what we will eat. So, even though we can't leave immediately for the beach, however much we might want to, all of our family is preparing for when we will leave. Now, picture the same scenario...but a little differently. If you are a teenager, or even in your twenties, chances are, you aren't ready to get married. You probably haven't even met the right person yet. What if, instead of wishing that wonderful day will come...the day we meet our future husband/wife at the altar and become one...and spending all our time thinking how nice it will be then...we hustled while we waited? What if we spent our single years preparing to be better a better husband or wife to that person God has chosen for us? What if, instead of pining for things that shouldn't happen yet, we prepared for tomorrow?

Another thing I have noticed among people my age--boys and girls alike--is this feeling that they have to have a boyfriend or girlfriend. Is this right? Should we always be wanting someone to be a part of us...especially in such an intimate way? We mimic our broken society...always wanting something now. Inventions like microwaves (quickening the pace at which we cook our food), google (quickening the pace at which we research information), and e-mail and texts (quickening the pace at which we have conversations), show this. And while those inventions are not a bad thing in themselves, they certainly show our impatience as a society. I've seen this also demostrated through relationships. So many of my friends have boyfriends or girlfriends...when none of them are ready or old enough for marriage! It seems as though we, being influenced by the "have-it-now" attitude of our generation, have carried it so far as to want a serious relationship far too early. A good thing at the wrong time is just as wrong as a bad thing at any time. When we search for intimacy with someone of the opposite sex, whether through our physical actions or through our emotions, we are giving a part of ourselves away! We're taking a good thing (becoming one in marriage) and having it at the wrong time. Say you are a teenager or young adult and you have a boyfriend or girlfriend you are very close to. You talk to them almost every day, see them at least once a week, and pretty much depend on them for your happiness. Now, what if (just go with me), that boyfriend or girlfriend isn't the person you are going to marry? Well, that changes things a bit. What if you waste your time that you have to be single and prepare for marriage, developing a relationship that isn't even going to last? Because, be honest, what is the average lifespan of those middle-school, or even high-school relationships? I don't want to tell my husband I love him only to have him wonder to whom else I have said those words. I also don't want to have to wonder the same thing about my husband. But, how can we expect our husbands to avoid romantic relationships before he is ready if we aren't willing to do the same?

Maybe you don't agree with my idea of waiting until you are ready for marriage to date someone. That's okay; I didn't write this so everyone would agree with every word I said. I just wrote it to say some of what I was feeling. But, maybe you agree with me that most relationships tend to move too quickly. In that case, it would be wise to make a list of boundaries for yourself...and a list of things you can avoid to keep from overstepping those boundaries. For instance, I have decided to save my first kiss for my wedding day. Yes, that is extreme. Yes, I know you don't think I will be able to wait that long. Yes, I am different. I just feel that even a simple kiss can lead to much more...and can you imagine sharing your first kiss with the man with whom you are going to spend the rest of your life? Maybe for you, saving your first kiss is too much. I'm not saying it's for everyone. It's just what I want to do. But making a list of boundaries will not only help you to re-examine your relationships, but if a moment ever comes where you feel uncomfortable during a date or elsewhere, you will know exactly what you feel you should do. So, just give it some thought.

Random, Unless You Think Like Me

So I realize that I have not blogged in forever. But it is crazy how busy I am. And with that lame, over-used excuse out of the way, I will continue.

Today, I am going to just let you get to know my random side. Here are 6 random, not well-known things about me...and some commentary that I just can't hold back.

1. I like to brown hamburger meat. Not sure why...maybe it's that I am a perfectionist, and I like making sure all the formerly pink meat turns brown. It definitely isn't the smell. I like to eat hamburger meat, but I almost don't want to eat it after having smelled it while it cooks. It smells so unappetizing.

2. I am finally (just now) learning how to type the right way. Though I want to know who decided what the right way is. For as long as I have used a computer keyboard, I have typed with just my pointer fingers. I could actually go pretty fast that way. But now, I am learning how to actually type, and it's making writing this much easier, even though my pinkies are still pretty obstinate about moving where they are supposed to.

3. I have three friends that know everything about me. I guess you could call them best friends. They know every second of my life, but in different intervals. Anna Krezdorn hears a play by play of my entire life when I call her. (Only about once a week, because her schedule is so packed.) Kris Towers gets a text directly after school describing all the events that happened that day. But Melissa Moore, because she has a cell phone, is lucky enough to hear every single thing as it is happening. Of course, though, not during school. :)

4. I like almost every type of music--but country. I detest country. As Anna would say, "it makes my ears bleed." Note though, that when I say country, I mean the horrible genre that America is calling (wrongfully) country. Country is Johhny Cash and Hank Williams. Not Shania Twain and Rascal Flatts. That music makes me gag.

5. Something that really bugs me is illogical people. When they are doing something ridiculous and you point out the stupidity of what they are doing and they argue with you. It doesn't matter how many reasonable, logical proofs you have, nor how many educated, brilliant people you drag into the discussion. The IP's always believe they are right. This annoys me to no end, and I cannot let it go. I get into arguments constantly, and you can bet it's because the person I am arguing with was being illogical.

6. The last random thing about me is this: When I get excited, I am not one to hold back my emotions. I try, because, you know, who really wants to look like an idiot? But if I discover you like the same band, or watch the same tv show, or read the same kind of books as I do, I will probably flip out. I just get so psyched at knowing that someone else likes "Sleeping at Last," or "Lost," or "Pendragon." So, sorry if I ever freak out at knowing that you and I have common interests--I just get excited.

Yesterday, I found something out about myself. If I am not good at something, but I do one good thing in it and someone notices, I try a lot harder. And I sometimes get better. Two instances come to mind when I say this. A couple of months ago, Blake (our youth pastor) did this thing on Wednesday nights called "Hyperlinc." We played games for almost two hours once a week. I loved it. One of the nights, we played Capture the Flag. I love this game, but I have never been particularly good at it. We played three rounds and as we got to the second round, it was tied. The opposite team then decided that the teams were unfair, and insisted that we give them a player. Again I will say this--the teams were tied. So Blake had a discussion with them of who they wanted. I don't know why, it could have been a serious mental breakdown on their part, but they chose me. I wasn't terrible...but I definitely wasn't great. The team that I switched to dominated. I want it to be clear when I say this that if I sound a little cocky...let me be cocky. I was so not expecting this. I captured almost every single one of the other team's players and put them in jail. I would not have done nearly so well if they hadn't chosen me. It boosted my opinion of myself. Yesterday, we played soccer in P. E. I am not so great at soccer. And by not so great, I mean seriously. Not so great. I was playing defense, and apparently it was obvious I wasn't good, because everyone on the opposite team tried to kick it to my side, because I couldn't stop them. Brian Conner was on the other team, and he had also been playing defense. (For those of you who don't know, Brian is very athletic. Very.) He switched near the end of the game and brought the ball to my area. I came up to him, and completely on accident, I kicked the ball away from him. The next time he took it to my area, he said, in all seriousness, "Please don't kick it, Emily!" Like I could actually do that if I was trying. I very rarely make any contact with the soccer ball. After that, I was on fire. For me. I tried like crazy. I actually had an assist, and I was so excited. I wasn't much better, but I tried, and I enjoyed it. I guess what I can conclude from this is that I like praise. A whole lot.

The song today is Thief in the Night by Leeland.
"Great is Your love and Your faithfulness, it's Your faithfulness that carries me. Many times I've run away, forsook Your love and all Your grace; still You call out my name. Yeah, You still care that I be saved. So I'll sing the glories of Your name, Your awesomness I will proclaim until You come. Until You come and take Your bride away like a thief in the night, You'll take us away."

I noticed I've been slack lately...but it is ridiculous how busy I have been.

Friday, my friends and I went to downtown Greenville for my birthday. It was me, Mama, Daddy, Bomb (also known as Anna Krezdorn), and Miss Lissa (Melissa Moore). I seriously believe I had more fun that day than I ever have before. We went to the Mellow Mushroom first and had pizza. The pizza was good, but what really began a good day was the fact that our waiter looked like Dwight Schrute from the Office. Lissa noticed it first, and after that, every one of us (including Mama and Daddy) had a hard time taking him seriously.
After the Mellow Mushroom, we were all too full to eat anything else, so we decided to walk around. It doesn't sound very exciting, but Bomb, Lissa, and I can make anything fun. We had this system where we would rotate every so often so that each person got a chance to walk in between the other two and hear all of the conversation. For those of you that don't know, there are a whole lot of statues of random people in downtown Greenville. We mimicked every single statue. The best one had to have been a statue in progress that was of three people, so we each had our own position. Not to mention stomping on grass that was "In Rehabilitation" and was "Not to be Stepped On." Or jumping on the bridge to make it bounce and seeing who could spit the farthest off the said bridge. (Bomb won every time.) We finally made it to the Mast General Store, where we had to curb our awesomness for a while so we wouldn't scare innocent shoppers. We drooled over knives (very very sharp knives) and laughed at dumb advertising gimmicks. (There was a chapstick that had pictures of people kissing strawberries and lemons.) We got in the way a lot, too. The bathroom at Mast General Store has just enough room for half of one person. All three of us went-twice. We bought some candy after much serious thought and headed out again. After more rotating and mimicking of statues, we arrived at Spill the Beans where we got crunch frappucinos and tried to ignore our still-full stomachs. Daddy went to pick up the car so he could drive by and we could hop in. We waited until we saw a car that looked like ours...and waved like crazy. We couldn't figure out why he was passing us until we realized it wasn't him. We got a lot of funny looks from the passengers in the car though.
That night we didn't get much sleep...but we did get some. After having watched the Office and eaten almost all the candy and snuck back down for a dozen trips to the bathroom, we got extremely cold. (Note: the fans were on upstairs. That is why it was so cold. There were also extra blankets upstairs. But hours of the Office make you a little devoid of common sense.) So, being so cold, we decided to try sleep side by side in one twin bed. No blankets. All that happened was that we elbowed each other in the eyes and tried to push Lissa off the bed, but we actually got a couple hours of sleep like that. That is, until Lissa got sick of being half-off the bed and moved to the other bed.

The song today is Sweet Sixteen by The Lilies and the Sparrows
"The whole world screams, begging, "Where can we find hope?" They're on their knees, overflowing with disease. They're reaching out and we're drawing back, saying, "Don't expose me to that."

Co-op...and an awesome song

For those of you who don't know, I am homeschooled, but twice a week, I go to the gym of Fairview Baptist Church for a thing called co-op. It' s a group of homeschool familes who get together and learn. My mom is excellent at english, so she is teaching an American Lit class, but she isn't so great at math or science, so other moms are teaching those subjects. I go on Mondays and Thursdays, and I take Algebra 1, Biology, American Lit, PE, and Chorus. I love my co-op. We are like a big family...even though there are some people I would rather not be related to. *ahem, Daniel Parris* Just kidding! Like I said, we're a family, and we annoy each other with our fair share.

Yesterday was co-op day. (Since it was Monday.) Yesterday, Blake came to lunch. I was amazed at the number of kids who asked me (and asked him) if he was a student. It just further proves that he doesn't look his age. After lunch, I have P.E. In general, P.E. isn't terrible, but it was yesterday. We played volleyball. I absolutely cannot stand volleyball. Soccer is fine, and I love ultimate frisbee, and basketball...? The best. But volleyball is terrible. I always plan to hit the ball when it comes to me. (Really, I do.) But then it actually gets there and I involuntarily step back. Every time. It is impossible to count the number of times my friend Josh (also known as Josh the Beast) saved me in volleyball yesterday. No one else would get it, because I looked like I was going to hit it. Josh and I knew better. It got to be where every single time the ball came for me, no matter where the Beast was on the court, he would run up and save me. So, thanks, Josh. Thanks.

I know this has nothing to do with co-op, but I just bought an awesome song a few days ago, and I wanted to share part of it. I may end up doing this a lot. I have a song for everything.

"You head on down to the bottom of the river just to wash away all the pain of today and yesterday. But lift your head and look across the water and then you'll see all of us together singing, 'Darlin, grab a hand. We won't let you go. Darlin, grab a hand. We promise not to let you stand alone.' So stand close to me. Don't sail away, baby. Let them see your heart, let them see how beautiful you are. You're like nobody else." -You Cry a Tear to Start a River by Between the Trees

My Untitled Book

When I grow up, I want to be an author. I love to write. I'm pretty picky about what I like to write, though. Essays? Sure. Research reports? Okay. Free writing? Even better. But a newspaper article? Absolutely not. I'm not sure why I can't stand it. Maybe because I like to have my little bit of creativity. I don't want to be pressured into writing something I don 't agree with. I like to speak my mind.
At the moment, I am writing a book. I'm actually writing two books, but only one is progressing the way I like. I have plenty of ideas, though. Sometime in the future, I hope to have finished the two books I am writing (a fantasy and a children's fiction) and to have written a historical fiction novel about my great-grandma and a murder mystery. (Very loosely based on Agatha Christie's And Then There Were None.) Right now, my fantasy novel is going pretty well. Only one person has read all that has been written, and that is Mr. Lance Owens. I wouldn't want anyone else to read it. I want my friends to read a published copy and be genuinely surprised about what happens. (Even my mom hasn't read it yet.) To be honest, I haven't even given it a title. I've been too busy being concerned about the inside.
My one wish for the book is that people will read it. I would rather not have it published than have it be a book that bookstores put in the "half-off" bin because no one will buy it. Imagine having written a book that you spent years on. (I will have been writing this book for two years this October.) Then imagine walking into a Barnes and Noble to get some books you need for your British Literature class and seeing your book, that you put so much of yourself into, in that cursed bin. How would you feel?
Anyway, I can always count on my family to read it. I don't have to be a millionaire like J. K. Rowling to know I have written a good book.
Since this is all about books and writing...what is your favorite book? What made it so special?