Papa

Last night at ten thirty, one of the sweetest men I have ever known passed away. To give a little background, my mom's best friend also happens to be my best friend's mom. (Tricky, I know.) Anna, my best friend, is the best. Really. You say that people are always there for you, but you rarely ever mean it seriously. But when I say Anna is always there for me, it's absolutely true. I only hope I can be the same for her. Teri, my mom's best friend, is like my second mom. She has tucked me in, sang me to sleep, comforted me, punished me, and loved me for as long as I can remember. Erica, Anna's older sister, is my older sister. People have actually tried to convince me that she isn't (which I don't get), but she is. I love her just like I would love any older sister I had. And Chris, Anna's older brother, would be my older brother, if he hadn't proposed to me when I was three. (He was eight, I think.) So he's just my future husband, is all. Carl, Anna's dad, is my other dad. Ever since I was old enough to call someone on the phone, I have been calling her. (My fingers still automatically punch in her number.) Every time Carl answers the phone (and I mean every time), and I ask to speak to Anna, he pretends to not know who I am. Did I say every time? Cause I really meant every time. Since I have always been so close to them, it's only natural that their grandparents become like my grandparents. So when Papa went to heaven last night, I lost a grandparent. I loved him so much. He was always the sweetest, and he sang and played the guitar (and banjo) beautifully. He was so funny! He made us laugh all the time. And he loved his family. His grandchildren were the most amazing things ever, in his eyes. Thankfully, we are sad not because we do not know where he is. We know that now, he is no longer hurting, but has the privilege to meet the Lord face to face. We are only sad because we miss him. I don't have much else to say, only that I loved Papa like crazy. I'm going to end with a verse of a hymn that he loved.

"Though Satan should buffet, though trials should come, let this blessed assurance control, that Christ has regarded my helpless estate, and has shed his own blood for my soul."

Constant

The beginning of Psalm 22 says, "My God, my God, why have you forsaken me? Why are you so far from saving me, so far from the words of my groaning? Oh my God, I cry out by day, but you do not answer. By night, and am not silent."

Have you ever felt like that? Like everything has gone so terribly wrong; like even the God who created you has left you. Thankfully, the psalm does not stop there.

It nears the end with these words, "He has not despised or disdained the suffering of the afflicted one; he has not hidden his face from him but has listened to his cry for help."

Not sure about anyone reading this, but those words comfort me so much!

When I talk to God, I prefer to think of other ways to address him. My favorite is "Constant." Throughout everything, there is God. When everything else falls apart, when your friends leave, when family members die...only one thing never changes. That one thing is God. The Constant.

House of Heroes has a song that says my thoughts exactly. The chorus says, "All through the night I was falling, straining to hear your voice calling. You never gave out, you never gave in, you never quite gave up on me. You are my Constant."

I guess what I am trying to say with this is that no matter what you are going through, God will always be there. Just...that simple.

First Day of the End of Normal Life...and the Beginning of my Journey Toward Becoming an Author

Okay, so the title was unnecessarily long. Although it summed up exactly how today felt to me. Today marks the first day of NaNoWriMo. My word count? 1,953. I'm pretty stoked about it. The recommended goal was 1,766, so I think I am doing pretty well. I have to admit, the hardest part was starting. I sat and stared at my computer screen for a good while before I told myself that it didn't have to be perfect. I would edit it later. Which brings me back to something...I am not editing this as I go along. After all, I have only 30 days to write 50,000 words. I have no time to mess around with editing. So December is "editing month." Also, if you want to read my novel when I finish, that's fine. But here's where I get serious. I will send you a copy by e-mail. However, if I send you a copy, that means that I trust you. Which basically just means don't take advantage of that trust by plagiarizing in any way. Please. Anyway, tomorrow is a new day, and I have to write a good bit more, so it certainly isn't over. This is only the first day of the end...or the beginning, however you choose to look at it.